All Change!

Your Brain Isn’t Broken — It’s Responding to the World

Thu, 30 Apr 2026 10:00:13 GMT

Your Brain Isn’t Broken — It’s Responding to the World

Many people arrive at personal development with the same quiet question: "What’s wrong with me?"

Why do I get overwhelmed so easily?
Why do I need more rest than others?
Why does life feel louder, heavier, more intense?

For neurodivergent and emotionally sensitive people, these aren’t signs of something broken. They’re signs of a nervous system that processes deeply.

Your brain is not malfunctioning. It is responding, intelligently, to the environment it’s in. Sensitivity isn’t fragility. It’s perception.

You notice more. You feel more. You process more. And when the world is fast, loud, and demanding, your system has to work harder just to stay regulated. Every noise, every expectation, every unspoken social rule can feel like extra weight on a system that’s already tuned finely to everything around it.

The challenge isn’t your wiring. It’s the lack of safety around it. So many spend years trying to override their natural rhythms instead of understanding them. They force productivity when rest is needed. They push through when the body is asking for pause. They stay in environments that demand masking and constant self-monitoring. And then they blame themselves for feeling exhausted, anxious, or “not enough.”

This work isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about learning how to support who you’ve always been. It’s about creating gentle structures, building supportive boundaries, and practising trauma-informed self-care so that your sensitivity can thrive rather than become a source of shame.

Inside the Empress Collective, we don’t try to “fix” sensitivity or neurodivergence. We build safety around it , so it can become a strength instead of a source of shame. Members are guided to slow down, honour their nervous system, and practise self-trust. They learn that the feelings of overwhelm are not weaknesses; they are messages. Messages that invite reflection, rest, and realignment.

You don’t need a new brain. You need a kinder environment, internally and externally. One where your nervous system can soften. One where self-care is trauma-informed. One where your sensitivity is honoured, your boundaries are respected, and your authentic self is allowed to exist fully and unapologetically.

When safety comes first, clarity follows. When clarity comes, choices feel aligned. And when choices feel aligned, growth becomes possible, not through pressure, but through understanding, support, and compassion.

You Don’t Need Fixing — You Need Safety

Wed, 29 Apr 2026 10:15:01 GMT

You Don’t Need Fixing — You Need Safety

There are moments in life where you can start to feel like a project.

A list of habits to fix.
Patterns to correct.
Parts of yourself to improve.

And if you already feel overwhelmed, sensitive, or stretched thin, that message does not motivate you. It quietly reinforces the belief that something about you is wrong.

But here is the truth to come back to:

You don’t need fixing. You need safety.

So many of the behaviours people want to change, procrastination, shutdown, emotional reactivity, exhaustion, are not flaws. They are signals. They are what happens when a nervous system has been operating without enough support for too long.

When you have learned to push through instead of pause.
When rest has felt unsafe.
When softness was never fully allowed.

Self-improvement often skips the most important step, asking whether your body actually feels safe enough to change. Because real, sustainable transformation does not come from pressure. It comes from regulation.

When safety is present, the nervous system softens.
When the system softens, clarity returns.
When clarity returns, change becomes possible, without force.

This is why so many people feel stuck in cycles of starting and stopping. Not because they lack discipline, but because their nervous system is already carrying too much. Asking more of yourself without creating safety is like expecting growth from soil that has not been nourished.

You do not need a harder version of yourself.
You need a safer relationship with yourself.

One where rest is not something you earn.
One where emotions are not judged.
One where slowing down is not failure, it is information.

Healing does not begin with doing more. It begins with listening.

And if you take one thing from this, let it be this:

You are not behind. You are responding exactly as a nervous system would under pressure.

Safety comes first.
Everything else follows.

Why Pausing Can Be Your Most Powerful Step Forward

Mon, 27 Apr 2026 15:37:50 GMT

Why Pausing Can Be Your Most Powerful Step Forward

I used to believe progress was all about speed. The faster I moved, the more successful I would be. The more I pushed, the closer I’d get to healing, growth, and my goals. Then my nervous system showed me something different.

Burnout. Exhaustion. Anxiety. My body was asking me to stop, and for the first time, I truly listened.

Pausing doesn’t mean giving up. It doesn’t mean you’re falling behind. It means you’re beginning to work with yourself instead of against yourself. It is how your mind and body integrate, process, and reset.

Without pause, life can start to feel like you are driving with one foot on the accelerator and the other on the brake. You keep moving, but something feels off. Progress feels harder than it should. Not because you are incapable, but because your nervous system, beliefs, and inner dialogue are not aligned with your actions.

I remember one evening after a week of overcommitting. I was completely drained. Normally, I would have pushed through, ticking off tasks and staying busy to feel productive. Instead, I paused.

I noticed the tension in my shoulders. The tightness in my chest. The constant mental noise. And for once, I allowed it to be there without trying to fix it.

That pause changed everything!

My body softened. My thoughts slowed. And in that space, clarity returned. I realised my nervous system was not resisting me. It was guiding me.

For many women, especially those who are emotionally sensitive or neurodivergent, this pattern is familiar. You work hard, you care deeply, and you strive for more. Yet underneath, there is self-doubt, pressure, or a feeling of not being fully aligned.

This is where self-sabotage often begins. Not as failure, but as protection.

When you learn to pause, you begin to rebuild self-trust. You start to recognise what feels sustainable, what feels supportive, and what no longer needs to be carried. Growth becomes less about pushing and more about aligning with your nervous system.

Inside the Empress Collective, this is the foundation of the work. Pausing is not passive, it is intentional. It is how you regulate your nervous system, understand your inner world, and move forward with clarity instead of pressure.

Because real progress does not come from constant movement. It comes from knowing when to pause, listen, and respond to yourself with honesty.

If you have been pushing forward while feeling misaligned, consider this your invitation to try something different.

Pause.
Notice.
Listen.

You might find that what you have been searching for is not ahead of you, but already within you, waiting for the space to be heard.

Masking Is Exhausting; And You’re Allowed to Stop

Fri, 24 Apr 2026 10:00:16 GMT

Masking Is Exhausting; And You’re Allowed to Stop

Masking is often praised.

“Being professional.”

“Being resilient.”

“Being adaptable.”

But for neurodivergent and highly sensitive people , masking isn’t a skill, it’s survival. It’s monitoring your tone, facial expressions, energy, and emotions constantly to avoid being “too much,” “too slow,” or “too sensitive.” Over time, this self-monitoring can lead to emotional exhaustion , burnout , and identity confusion . Your nervous system knows when it’s not allowed to simply be itself, and eventually, it will demand rest, whether you give it willingly or not.

What Unmasking Really Means

Unmasking doesn’t mean oversharing or losing boundaries. It means creating safe spaces for sensitive people where your nervous system can soften. Spaces where you can reconnect with yourself, practice trauma-informed self-care , and honour your sensitive or neurodivergent mind.

How The Empress Collective Supports You

Inside the Empress Collective , women are supported to:

Lower their shields
Set healthy boundaries for sensitive people
Cultivate self-trust
Prioritise emotional wellbeing
Embrace their authentic self without apology

These practices allow women to release the weight of constant self-monitoring and live in alignment with their true selves.

You’re Not Weak — You’re Human

Feeling exhausted doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’ve been carrying too much for too long. You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to stop hiding. Most importantly, you’re allowed to simply be fully, authentically, and unapologetically .

You Are Not Broken: Carrying Too Much and Learning to Set It Down

Thu, 23 Apr 2026 12:30:01 GMT

You Are Not Broken: Carrying Too Much and Learning to Set It Down

For a long time, I carried the weight of everything, responsibilities, expectations, unspoken rules, and old stories I thought defined me. I told myself I had to keep going, keep achieving, keep holding it all together. Somewhere along the way, I started to believe that if I stumbled, I was broken.

But here’s the truth: ‘ You are not broken’ . You are carrying too much, and it’s okay to set it down.

Healing isn’t about erasing pain or moving in a straight line. It’s about pacing yourself, honouring your emotions, and recognising that growth often happens in cycles, forward, sideways, sometimes even backwards. And that’s exactly the point.

How I Help People Set It Down

Through my coaching programmes,1:1 or in groups,I guide women to:

Identify what they’ve been carrying alone
Explore patterns that keep the weight piling on
Learn practical tools to offload, reframe, and move forward with clarity

This is story-led work, starting with where you are, what you’ve experienced, and the narratives you tell yourself. One client shared:

"Working with Beth has been life-changing. I realised I was carrying burdens I didn’t even know were mine, and now I feel lighter, more in control, and ready to take on life with confidence."

If you feel overwhelmed, know this: it’s not about being “broken”,it’s about learning to carry less and live more fully. Healing is rarely linear, but it’s always meaningful. The first step is often the bravest: letting yourself put down what doesn’t belong to you.

Breaking Free From Comparison: Embrace Your Own Path

Wed, 22 Apr 2026 15:58:46 GMT

Breaking Free From Comparison: Embrace Your Own Path

Comparison is a silent thief of confidence. For many women, it becomes a reflex, measuring themselves against someone else’s:

Success
Relationships
Beauty
Lifestyle
Timeline

But comparison rarely tells the truth. It tells a distorted story, one that can quietly erode self-worth and joy.

Breaking free from comparison is liberating. It allows you to reconnect with your own values, strengths, and purpose.

Ways to Begin Your Journey

1. Awareness
Notice when comparison sneaks in. Identify the triggers, whether it’s social media, conversations, or your own inner critic. Awareness is the first step toward freedom.

2. Celebrate Your Wins
Acknowledging your own progress, no matter how small, creates emotional grounding and reinforces self-appreciation.

3. Social Media Boundaries
Curate your digital environment intentionally. Unfollow accounts that spark comparison and follow those that inspire and uplift.

4. Self-Validation
Trust your choices and instincts. When you validate yourself internally, the need for external approval naturally decreases.

Inside The Empress Collective , women explore these practices while building self-trust , confidence , and authenticity . Learning to release comparison opens space for empowerment, clarity, and bold action.

Your path is yours for a reason. Comparison only distracts you from your magic.Comparison steals joy.
Choose to honour your own path today; one step, one win, one moment at a time.

Healing Through Self-Love: A Practical Guide

Tue, 21 Apr 2026 12:35:40 GMT

Healing Through Self-Love: A Practical Guide

Healing through self-love is one of the most transformative journeys a woman can take, yet it’s often the hardest. Self-love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a practice. A commitment. A daily conversation with yourself. Even small, intentional actions can ripple into profound emotional growth over time.

Ways to Begin Healing Through Self-Love

1. Morning Rituals
Start your day with simple, grounding practices:

Gratitude lists
Affirmations
Breathwork

These small rituals set the emotional tone for the day and help you connect with yourself before the world demands your attention.

2. Boundaries
Saying no to what drains you is one of the clearest acts of self-love. Protecting your energy creates space for your growth, focus, and wellbeing.

3. Journaling
Writing helps process emotions, release old narratives, and celebrate personal growth. It’s a way to witness your journey and reconnect with your inner self.

4. Community Support
Healing doesn’t have to happen alone. Spaces like The Empress Collective provide:

Accountability
Encouragement
Emotional tools
Sisterhood

Being supported by others walking the same path makes self-love more sustainable, rewarding, and transformational.

Healing through self-love is not about perfection. It’s about consistent, compassionate choices that build emotional resilience, self-trust, and confidence. Every small step matters and over time, these steps create deep, lasting transformation.

Softness Is Not a Setback, It’s Strength

Mon, 20 Apr 2026 13:04:56 GMT

Softness Is Not a Setback, It’s Strength

Softness has long been misunderstood.
For many women, it has been framed as weakness, fragility, or a lack of ambition. It becomes something to hide, something to override, something to replace with constant strength and self-control.

For years, I believed that too. I thought I had to harden myself to cope, to succeed, and to feel safe in the world. What I’ve learned, slowly and deeply, is that softness is not the opposite of strength. It is what makes strength sustainable.

Softness is what allows your nervous system to settle. It creates the conditions for emotional healing, reflection, and integration. Without it, growth becomes forceful. It becomes something you push through rather than something you experience and embody.

Strength without softness often leads to burnout. Softness without strength can feel like stagnation. But together, they create something powerful. A form of resilience that is grounded, steady, and lasting.

For emotionally sensitive and neurodivergent women, this balance is especially important. When your nervous system is already working hard to process the world, constant pressure to be strong can create emotional exhaustion. Softness offers a different way. A way that supports emotional wellbeing rather than depleting it.

I remember a moment early in my own healing journey. I was lying on the sofa after a difficult week, feeling completely drained. Normally, I would have pushed myself to do something productive, to fix the feeling, to move forward quickly. But instead, I allowed myself to be soft. No performance. No pressure. No expectation.

It felt unfamiliar. Even uncomfortable.

But in that softness, something shifted. My body began to relax. My thoughts slowed. And underneath it all, I felt a quiet strength rise. Not forced. Not performative. Just present.

That moment changed how I understood growth.

Softness is not a detour from healing. It is part of trauma-informed self-care. It is how your nervous system learns that it is safe to pause, to feel, and to restore. When you allow softness, you are not falling behind. You are creating the foundation for sustainable growth, emotional regulation, and long-term resilience.

Inside the Empress Collective, this is something we hold with intention. Women are not asked to choose between being strong or being soft. They are supported to experience both. To rest without guilt. To act with clarity. To build self-trust through a nervous system that feels safe enough to expand.

Softness is not a setback. It is what makes your strength last.

The Empress Mindset: Owning Your Power Without Apology

Fri, 17 Apr 2026 10:00:35 GMT

The Empress Mindset: Owning Your Power Without Apology

For so long, I dimmed my power.I made myself smaller. Softer. Quieter. Just to make others comfortable.But peace never came from shrinking. It came from remembering who I truly am.

Stepping into the Empress Mindset isn’t about dominance, ego, or being louder than others. It’s about alignment. It’s about allowing your power to take up space fully, without guilt or apology.

Key Practices That Helped Me Rise

1. Self-Trust
Believing in my intuition, my choices, and my inner knowing; even when others didn’t understand, became my foundation for confidence.

2. Boundaries
Learning that “no” is a complete sentence transformed my life. Protecting my energy became an act of self-respect and self-care.

3. Celebration
Honouring my wins, even the small ones, rewired my self-worth. Celebrating yourself is not arrogance, it is recognition of your growth, effort, and resilience.

4. Community
Surrounding myself with women who uplift, support, and empower me has been life-changing. Women who see my light and never ask me to dim it.

The Empress Mindset isn’t a switch you flip rather it’s a daily practice, a devotion, a choice to step into your power fully. Stepping into your crown is not arrogance. It’s acceptance: of your worth, your strength, and your truth.

Trauma-Informed Self-Care: Caring for Your Inner Child

Thu, 16 Apr 2026 10:00:02 GMT

Trauma-Informed Self-Care: Caring for Your Inner Child

Trauma-informed self-care is not about face masks or bubble baths. It’s about tending to the emotional wounds that were never given the space to heal.

Many women carry a younger version of themselves, the inner child , still holding unprocessed hurt, fear, or feelings of abandonment. This inner child shapes adult behaviour, influencing self-worth, relationships, and emotional responses. Healing begins with acknowledging her.

How to Nurture Your Inner Child

1. Acknowledge the Pain
Recognise the unmet needs of your inner child. This may include:

Feeling “not enough”
Fear of rejection
Perfectionism
Emotional triggers

Awareness is the first step toward meaningful healing.

2. Create Safe Rituals
Safety is essential for emotional repair. Rituals such as:

Calming breathwork
Journaling
Mindfulness
Guided visualisation

…help create grounding and a sense of emotional safety.

3. Practice Self-Compassion
Speak to yourself with kindness, not criticism. Become the adult your younger self needed. Self-compassion fosters resilience, clarity, and inner strength.

4. Coaching & Community Support
Healing is not meant to happen alone. Programs like The Empress Collective provide:

Structured guidance
Emotional tools
Supportive sisterhood
Accountability

When women nurture their inner child, they become more grounded, confident, and emotionally regulated , creating space for joy, growth, and authenticity.

Healing your inner child is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.

Your inner child deserves care, compassion, and gentleness. What’s one small act of healing you can offer her today? ��

Recognising and Rewriting Limiting Beliefs

Wed, 15 Apr 2026 16:58:48 GMT

How hidden narratives form, and the steps to rewrite them with compassion

Limiting beliefs often begin as quiet whispers, thoughts formed from childhood experiences, past disappointments, or moments of vulnerability. Over time, these whispers grow louder, shaping narratives, then identities, and eventually creating unseen ceilings on what we feel capable of achieving.

Many women carry beliefs that never truly belonged to them:

“I’m not ready.”
“I’m not enough.”
“I can’t do that.”
“People like me don’t succeed.”

These narratives influence decisions, relationships, and self-worth, until they are consciously challenged.

The Process of Rewriting Beliefs

1. Identify the Belief
Limiting beliefs often appear as patterns: procrastination, self-sabotage, comparison, overthinking, or perfectionism. Journaling, reflection, or coaching helps women recognise the stories holding them back.

2. Challenge the Narrative
Ask yourself: “Is this actually true?” Most of the time, it isn’t.

3. Reframe and Replace
Swap “I’m not good enough” for “I’m learning, adapting, and growing every day.”
Change “I can’t” to “I’m building the skills I need.”

4. Consistency is Key
Beliefs don’t shift overnight. Transformation happens through repetition, self-awareness, community support, accountability, and compassionate action.

Why Commuity Matters

Communities like The Empress Collective are crucial. Women heal and grow faster together. Inside the membership, women learn to:

Identify false narratives
Replace them with empowering truths
Build confidence through action
Receive support from a compassionate community

Rewriting limiting beliefs isn’t just about mindset, it’s about reshaping life. When you shift your beliefs, you create the space to thrive.

This week, challenge one belief that’s been holding you back and choose a new one to replace it. ��

The Power of Reflection

Tue, 14 Apr 2026 10:00:34 GMT

How Journaling Can Bring You Back to Clarity

Journaling can become a quiet anchor when life feels overwhelming or mentally busy. It offers a space where thoughts can settle and emotions can be expressed without judgement. Over time, many women begin to notice that clarity does not come from thinking more, but from creating space to listen more deeply. When everything feels loud or unclear, writing things down can help you slow the pace of your mind. It allows you to process what you are carrying, rather than holding it all internally.

Creating Space Through Daily Reflection

A simple journaling practice can support emotional clarity in a gentle and consistent way. This does not need to be structured or perfect. It can begin with writing freely in the morning, allowing thoughts to move without filtering or overthinking. At the end of the day, reflection can help create a sense of closure. Taking a few moments to notice what felt supportive, what felt challenging, and what you are ready to release can reduce emotional build-up over time. Even small, regular check-ins like this can help you feel more grounded and present in your day-to-day life.

Using Prompts to Go Deeper

Sometimes it can be difficult to know where to begin. Guided prompts can help you access thoughts and emotions that may not surface immediately. Questions like “What am I holding onto?” or “What do I need right now?” can gently guide your attention inward. These moments of reflection often bring insight, not through force, but through allowing space for honesty.

Journaling becomes less about writing the “right” thing and more about creating a safe place for your internal experience to be seen.

From Reflection to Clarity

Journaling is not just about expressing thoughts, it also helps you recognise patterns, understand your responses, and make decisions with greater awareness. Over time, this builds a stronger sense of self-trust. Clarity is not something you have to chase. It begins to emerge when you slow down and create space for it. For many women, journaling becomes a simple but powerful way to reconnect with themselves.

Journaling is my clarity tool, my anchor when life feels chaotic. If you have 10 minutes today, try writing without judgment. You might be surprised by what rises to the surface.

The Cycle of Self-Sabotage

Mon, 13 Apr 2026 10:30:19 GMT

Why We Hold Ourselves Back From Thriving

Self-sabotage is more common than many realise, especially for women who are used to managing everything and holding it all together. It does not always look obvious. It can show up as procrastination, overcommitting, avoiding opportunities, or doubting yourself at key moments.

These behaviours are often misunderstood as a lack of discipline. In reality, they are usually rooted in fear, past experiences, or a nervous system that does not yet feel safe with change or visibility. What looks like holding yourself back is often a form of protection.

Recognising the Patterns

Self-sabotage often follows familiar patterns. Stress, comparison, or fear of failure can act as triggers, leading to behaviours that keep you within what feels known and safe. For some, this may look like avoiding important tasks. For others, it may show up as overworking, overthinking, or saying yes to too much. These responses are learned, and they can be unlearned with awareness. Noticing these patterns without judgement is the first step towards change.

Shifting the Cycle

Breaking the cycle of self-sabotage is not about pushing harder or becoming more disciplined. It is about building a more supportive relationship with yourself. This can begin with small, realistic steps, gentle accountability, and practising self-compassion in moments where you would normally be critical. When you feel safer within yourself, it becomes easier to move forward without resistance. Support can also play an important role. Being in spaces where you feel understood and encouraged can help you stay connected to your growth in a more sustainable way.

Moving Forward

Self-sabotage is not a personal failure. It is often a sign that a part of you is trying to stay safe.

When you begin to respond with awareness rather than judgement, you create space for new patterns to form. Over time, this builds self-trust, clarity, and a more grounded way of moving forward.

What is one small step you can take this week to stop holding yourself back?

Why Self-Love Matters...A Lot!

Wed, 30 Jul 2025 12:05:01 GMT

Why Loving Yourself Matters...A Lot!

‘Ewww! She loves herself, doesn’t she!?’

was a frequent snipe from other girls in secondary school. We’d all say it to each other, because we believed that loving yourself meant ‘being vain’, having a ‘massive ego’, or just generally thinking we were better than everyone else. At my strict Catholic convent school, such ‘prideful’ behaviour was frowned upon!

As a woman, I remember walking past a group of men and overhearing,

‘She’s fit’

‘Yeah, she knows it, though’

What's wrong with 'knowing it'?? How many of us women were brought up to seek approval for men, but not be allowed to believe it??

Little did I know that loving yourself is the secret to getting everything you want in life

Put another way, loving yourself is like being on your own team, instead of the frenemy with their foot stuck out, ready to trip you up.

But so often – the experiences we had, and lessons we learned growing up combine to create an inner version of ourselves that is constantly there with arms folded, and nose in the air, judging the fuck out of us .

We hear that voice in our heads all the time and it seems to know exactly what to say to make us curl up with shame or fear (because, of course, it’s US!).

That voice kills our confidence…and steals our joy

I get why it’s there, our unconscious mind has listened every time we were told not to get ‘too big for our boots’ and it’s trying to keep us safe from further external criticism, not appreciating that the internal criticism it constantly pecks us with is ruining our lives.

Think about the worst boss/ partner/ friend you ever had - did their presence in your life make it easier or harder to succeed?

What about that inspirational teacher, or supportive lover? How good were you able to feel about yourself, and what were you able to achieve with them in your corner?

So now do you see why this matters?

The good news is that if our own worst enemy is us, it means we can do something about it

(rather than if Kev in Accounts was our worst enemy, difficult to deal with if you don’t have a black belt in kick-boxing and verbal put-downs).

But HOW do we turn our inner enemy into our biggest fan? Well, I promise it’s totally possible, and sorting your self-talk is a great place to start.

As luck would have it, I’ve got a fab little course to help you explore this for free and loads of tips to help you sort this out. All you need to do is click here .

Getting Ahead: How a Strong Relationship with Yourself Boosts your Career

Sat, 01 Feb 2025 14:30:00 GMT

Getting Ahead: How a Strong Relationship with Yourself Boosts your Career

If you're not where you want to be in your business or career, it could be that you're your own worst enemy and the negative appraisals you're giving yourself are the biggest thing holding you back...

And the more senior you are - the more it matters.

A strong relationship inside is often overlooked as a crucial factor in career success, yet it's the foundation upon which we build our professional lives.

By understanding and nurturing our self-worth, we unlock a wealth of benefits that can significantly impact our careers.

1. Confidence and Self-Worth

A Strong Foundation: A solid sense of self-worth provides the confidence to take on challenges, embrace opportunities, and persevere through setbacks.

Assertiveness: A strong sense of self empowers you to advocate for your needs, negotiate effectively, and set boundaries.

Resilience: When faced with challenges or failures, a strong sense of self allows you to view these experiences as opportunities for growth and learning.

2. Clear Goals and Boundaries

Purposeful Actions: A strong relationship with yourself enables you to set clear career goals and develop a strategic plan to achieve them.

Healthy Boundaries: You'll be able to establish and maintain healthy boundaries with colleagues and supervisors, preventing burnout and fostering a positive work environment.

Work-Life Balance: Prioritizing self-care and maintaining a healthy work-life balance is essential for long-term career success and overall well-being.

3. Effective Communication

Authenticity: A strong sense of self allows you to communicate your thoughts, feelings, and needs honestly and effectively.

Active Listening: By actively listening to others, you can build stronger relationships, foster collaboration, and resolve conflicts more effectively.

Conflict Resolution: A strong sense of self enables you to approach conflicts with a calm and rational mindset, seeking solutions that benefit everyone involved.

4. Career Advancement

Risk-Taking: A strong sense of self empowers you to take calculated risks, embrace new challenges, and step outside your comfort zone.

Networking: Building genuine connections with others is easier when you have a strong sense of self-worth.

Career Opportunities: A strong relationship with yourself allows you to identify and pursue career opportunities that align with your values and goals.

5. Overall Well-being

Reduced Stress: A strong sense of self enables you to manage stress effectively, leading to improved mental and physical health.

Increased Happiness: By prioritizing self-care and pursuing meaningful work, you can increase your overall happiness and life satisfaction.

Positive Mindset: A strong sense of self fosters a positive mindset, leading to increased creativity, innovation, and problem-solving skills.

Investing in Yourself

Remember, building a strong relationship with yourself takes time and effort. By practicing self-compassion, setting realistic goals, and celebrating your achievements, you can unlock your full potential and achieve your career aspirations.

The Power of Self-Love; Nourishing your Mind, Body, and Soul

Wed, 01 Jan 2025 12:45:00 GMT

The Power of Self-Love; Nourishing your Mind, Body and Soul ��

Lacking in self-love is like the movie Trains, Planes, and Automobiles - you're stuck on a long journey with someone you can't stand!

If you were in a car with yourself right now, would you be in companionable silence?

Chatting happily?

Or sniping at each other?

Our internal dialogue, often a silent conversation within our minds, has a profound impact on our physical and mental health.

The way we think about ourselves, others, and the world around us shapes our experiences and influences our well-being.

The Mind-Body Connection

The mind and body are intricately linked. Negative self-talk, chronic stress, and unresolved emotional issues can manifest as physical symptoms, such as headaches, digestive problems, and weakened immunity. Conversely, positive thoughts and emotions can promote healing and vitality.

The Importance of Self-Compassion

Treating ourselves with kindness and understanding is crucial for optimal health. Self-compassion involves recognizing our imperfections, accepting our mistakes, and treating ourselves with the same care and empathy we would offer a friend. By practicing self-compassion, we can reduce stress, boost our immune system, and improve our overall well-being.

The Role of Self-Care

Prioritizing self-care activities is essential for maintaining a healthy mind and body. Engaging in practices like mindfulness, meditation, and physical exercise can help reduce stress, improve mood, and enhance cognitive function.

The Impact of Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships, both internal and external, can have a detrimental impact on our health and well-being. It's important to recognize and address toxic patterns in our relationships, whether they be with family, friends, or romantic partners. By setting boundaries, communicating effectively, and seeking support, we can protect our mental and emotional health.

By nurturing a positive relationship with ourselves, we can:

Improve physical health: Reduce stress, boost immunity, and enhance overall well-being.

Enhance mental health: Reduce anxiety, depression, and negative self-talk.

Increase self-confidence: Believe in our abilities and potential.

Improve relationships with others: Foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Remember, self-care is not selfish; it's essential for our overall well-being.

By prioritizing our mental and emotional health, we can lead healthier, happier, and more fulfilling lives.

What Every Mid-Life Woman is Hissing Under Her Breath...

Mon, 22 May 2023 08:44:27 GMT

What Every Woman in Mid-Life is Hissing Under Her Breath...

When is it MY turn?

So, firstly, this isn’t us being selfish.

Oestrogen drives our reproductive life and that includes influencing our daily behaviours towards caring and nurturing, to give our offspring the best chance. When oestrogen levels drop in peri-menopause, those tending and befriending instincts also diminish and our thoughts turn to ourselves.

So, really important:

A) This isn’t something we can help,

B) This is a natural part of life.

So if anyone tries to guilt you about this, put them straight!

Most women jump through the usual hoops of life - career, kids, partner. However great the career, kids and partner have been, there is often a cost. Many of us reach mid-life feeling unfulfilled or feeling like we’ve lost our mojo. We feel instinctively that it’s time for another chapter, but what will that chapter be?

We ask ourselves:

'where will the time and resources come from for this new thing?'

'How will I find the confidence to experiment?'

'Who even AM I these days? What is it I want?'

But women in mid-life deserve our turn – hell, it’s good for our health! Studies such as Financial Circumstances, Health & Wellbeing of the Older Population in England , show that women over 50 experience a marked decline in wealth, health and quality of life, which just gets worse with age.

When we are busy with activities that inspire and fulfill us, it keeps us youthful and engaged, guarding against health problems such as joint issues and dementia. If we can earn from what we’re doing, it will support our living standards.

For many good reasons, but mostly just because we deserve it, it's time to start figuring out anew who we are and what we want, so we can start living our exciting and satisfying next chapter.

If you are a woman in mid-life, it really is your turn, and if you want any help figuring out your next chapter, book your Time For Me Chat on Zoom and let’s get started.

The Mamas & The Papas

Thu, 06 Apr 2023 13:15:14 GMT

The Mamas & The Papas...

…made sweet, sweet music – but that’s not always the case with our own parents.

Culturally, there’s an expectation that our parents will love us unconditionally, raise us carefully, and wisely guide us into adulthood. Parents are human though, with their own wants and weaknesses, and often, have had their own messed up childhood.

Many of us had turbulent and miserable childhoods because our parents simply weren’t up to the job

- and instead of raising us as happy, confident and empowered adults, they installed fear and limitations, and we had experiences that left us damaged, when we should have been protected.

The damage can be subtle, it can show up as a lack of self-confidence, an inability to put ourselves first, or to reach our potential. The damage can also be more obvious, PTSD, anxiety, depression, phobia, toxic relationships, addiction, self-harm, and suicide.

There are a thousand ways our parents harm and hobble us, and all damage, however subtle, can blight the whole of our lives.

There is no ‘Parent School’, none of us is trained in this critically important skill-set – parents must figure out how to do it as they go, and they often base it on their own imperfect parents, or get it wrong in other ways.

I am a product of parents who got it very wrong, and so are many of my clients. They come to me with problems in their relationships, and with their self-esteem; they are often full of negative self-talk, repeating things their parents told them decades ago. My clients are often very conflicted about dealing with these issues because it’s hard to admit that the parents you love messed you up, and they are afraid that dealing with the issues will damage the relationship they have with their parents now.

Fortunately, it’s absolutely possible to explore damage from our childhood, heal from it and become stronger, without risking our relationship with our parents.

It’s all to do with the NLP presupposition that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have at the time. After working with me, my clients are able to forgive their parents whilst protecting themselves from further damage, leaving them more able to have a happier relationship with their parents moving forward, or to let them go with ease.

If you’d like to know more about how I can help you with this issue, book in a Time For Me Chat x

Desperate For Help Which Took Too Long To Find

Tue, 28 Feb 2023 09:00:28 GMT

...now I help make it easier for other women

I don’t mention this often, but I have tried to kill myself, twice. In those moments after swallowing the pills (hours, the second time), I felt such relief, I was so thankful that it was finally all over. I waited with anticipation for the blackness, for the pain to finally stop. That’s how bad it got for me, I wasn’t seeking attention when I overdosed, I really wanted the freedom and comfort of death, I was just crap at it (and there was no internet for research in those days).

My mental health issues began in, and were caused by, my childhood. By my teens, I had such low self-esteem and was so traumatised, that I just ended up stumbling into more abusive and miserable situations – I seemed to attract it. I had anxiety, PTSD, and depression my whole life, and it wasn’t until my mid-20s that I felt safe enough to seek help.

Over the next 15 years I took numerous courses of therapy, from talking therapy, to CBT, and hypnotherapy. All of these helped me gain insight into why I felt so bad. I couldn’t accept any of it and move on though, and having to talk about it every session just kept it present in my thoughts.

What did help me accept all the things that had happened to me was mindfulness. Discovering mindfulness meditation and learning to be more present changed everything. I started gentle yoga too, which made me feel peaceful and calm.

I was 40 by now and was a lot less depressed but I was still angry and scared. Enter NLP. Neuro-Linguistic Programming was the first modality that allowed me to let go of these toxic emotions and breathe again at last. Finally, coaching helped me sit in a resourceful place and decide what I wanted to put in the space left when all the rage and fear had gone, it got me moving forward.

It took the best years of my youth to find the help I needed, and this was way too long. By then, I’d had children and they had to live a life limited by my anxiety, my husband was having to deal with my bouts of anger. I’m so grateful for my healing, and I know I got here as quickly as I could. But I want it to be quicker for other women, I want that help to be easier to find.

As I celebrate 5 years in business this month, I am re-doubling my efforts to reach as many hurting and harmed women as possible, to help them take back their lives and feel better. Whether it’s NLP or some other therapy, it’s time for women to put themselves first and seek help. If that’s you, just make a start – I promise it will be worth it.

If You Get THIS Relationship Wrong - You're in Deep Sh❤t

Mon, 30 Jan 2023 19:06:41 GMT

If You Get THIS Relationship Wrong - You're In Deep Sh��t

Are you currently in a romantic relationship? What does that person do for you? What do they give you?

Many of my clients with dating issues are looking for someone to ‘complete’ them, or to make them ‘happy’, and they’re finding it a tall order!

It’s not even about the people they’ve been dating, their problem is that they have a false belief about love and that is:

If you find ‘the one’, then you can live happily ever after ...my actual arse!

This myth is spoon-fed to us from our childhood fairy-tales, so of course we believe it – but it’s total BULL CRAP.

Don’t get me wrong, that special person does exist, the one who’ll complete you, who’ll love you unconditionally, who’ll always stay with you – no matter what. And the great news is, the amazing human being who’ll help you heal, who’ll help you grow, who’ll help you feel happy…is already in your life.

Yep, it’s you babe.

A healthy, happy, loving relationship with yourself is the most important and fulfilling relationship you’ll ever have.

Not feeling me?

OK – imagine you could have all the fun bits of a romantic relationship, without having to entrust your confidence, well-being, and even your identity to some random bloke who scratches his balls in the morning and does beery burps?

What if you already felt loved, adored and valued by your self, and the relationship with the other person was just the icing on the cake?

What if you were with a partner not because you were constantly wanting things from them, wanting them to do or say something to make you feel good, but because you really dig them and love having adventures with them?

When we make our hearts hostages to fortune by handing them to a total stranger we want to get jiggy with, we make ourselves vulnerable. It’s like relying on a foreign power with an unstable leader for all your critical energy supplies – crazy idea, right? (Oh, hang on…).

When you are emotionally self-sufficient and the World of You has it’s own warm sun and bright stars, you are in a position of security and power, so you don’t have to settle for the losers anymore.

So how about spending February, the traditional month of lurrrve, working on the greatest relationship you’ll ever have and then you’ll never ‘need’ a partner again. You’ll never be in want of one, however, when others see your happy, loved-up energy – they’ll come running.

Er…OK, but where do I start with self-love? Here's a good place to start: https://youtu.be/1Ay8IWQ9pRs

What's Changed?

Thu, 12 Jan 2023 12:03:31 GMT

What's Changed?

At the start of every year, I like to look back at the year before and see what’s changed in my life.

Yes – I accept that I am a year older and a few more bits have sagged, but this can be such a positive exercise!

In January last year, my house sale had fallen through yet again and I was so stressed that I was eating for England, I weighed just over 15 stone. In January this year, I sit in my new home, having just spent a lovely first Xmas here with the kids. I’m still nomming the leftover Xmas food, but I’m a stone lighter.

This time last year I was trying to love a man who didn’t love himself, and trying to heal him when he didn’t want to get better. That was a painful lesson, but I needed to learn it. This year, I’m in love with a man who is happy and confident and who deals with his own stuff.

This time last year, I was worrying over my business and how to get it to the next level. This year I’m a limited company and will be celebrating 5 years in March.

The thing is, the last year felt rough for me. I was aware that I was going through a lot of change and was just navigating as best as I could. So often we get to the end of a big change and just say ‘phew!’, without looking back and seeing how far we’ve come, how much we’ve grown.

So what’s changed for you? I know that the world about us seems to be going downhill fast right now, that things seem to be going from bad to worse, but if you have a look back to where you were last year – I bet you’ll find that some things have changed for the better x

The Xmas Pressie We ALL Want

Mon, 05 Dec 2022 15:33:40 GMT

The Xmas Pressie We ALL Want...

The kids want the latest, must-have toy, hubby wants a gadget, mum wants ‘smellies’ – welcome to the wonderful world of Christmas gifting! It can be a minefield of how much to spend, individual taste, managing expectations and spending too much time on Amazon, or being jostled in overcrowded shops.

This Xmas is going to be trickier than ever for those of us who are feeling the pinch with inflation, and now recession. Even those of us who are comfortably off sometimes wonder what to get for someone who seems to have everything.

So what if you got them something they really want this Xmas?

When I was a kid, the thing I wanted most for Xmas every single year was a day without shouting. My parents argued with each other a lot, and when they weren’t doing that, they were shouting at one of us four kids. The truth is that Xmas is quite a stressful time of year and it often can bring out the worst in all of us. People row, people get drunk, overeat, check out. There are often more people than usual in our houses and the guests often feel entitled to lounge about and do what they want. A friend of mine had his brother to stay one year and in the afternoon after the presents were opened, the brother and his wife went for a siesta, leaving my friend and his partner to do all the clearing up and look after the brother’s kids. I have an uncle who is so addicted to watching footy matches that he watched Liverpool playing whilst attending my wedding (in the actual church!) – he would do exactly the same thing on Xmas day but with cricket.

But at the same time as we may dread it, the child in us still gets excited about Xmas, hopes against hope that it will be the magical time the adverts and movies promise, because we are all desperate to connect and have fun with our loved ones, to put down our cares for a few precious days and just enjoy being together, hanging out on the sofa, playing board games, noshing the chocs.

So what I’m suggesting is that even though the pressies might not be so lavish this year, a wonderful time could still be had by all if we each made a bit of extra effort to behave considerately to each other. Father-in-law could forego the sprouts he loves but that make him fart like a trooper all evening, and Little Sister could go easy on the wine so she doesn’t get all ranty during desert.

Seriously though, we’ve all got enough on our plates right now, how about sitting down with your family or partner and just chatting about little favours you could do for each other on the day, that might make all the difference to how it goes? Could the kids agree to not dash into your room before 8 a.m? Could you agree to let them watch more tv than usual in return? See what little gifts of consideration you and your loved ones can give each other, because I’m pretty sure a gift that absolutely everyone wants for Xmas is peace x

Niching Helps Me Help Others

Thu, 03 Nov 2022 09:38:34 GMT

How pointing out what you do more clearly helps clients find you...

I wouldn’t even have understood the word ‘niching’ if I’d read it a few years ago, and when I did learn what it meant back in 2019, I resisted the idea.

Niching is all about getting really clear and specific about the products and services you provide, so that your prospective clients can find you more easily. It also helps those in your network explain more easily what it is you do, so they can recommend you to others.

So niching sounds a great idea, but I firmly believe that my coaching process will help anyone with any problem, so I was reluctant to cut out any potential clients by honing my message.

For those of you who aren’t aware, I had a miserable childhood which left me with trauma and very low self-esteem. This led me into abusive relationships with men in my teens and 20s, which compounded the damage done when I was little. I spent 15 years in a fug of depression, anxiety and PTSD, I was scared of everything and angry with everyone. I was difficult to be around because I trusted no-one and often misread situations in a negative way. Most of all, I was just miserable and full of despair that the rest of my life would be like this.

I was rescued by Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP has freed me from depression and anxiety and allowed me to heal the damage from the past. I never thought I could feel happy and confident again, learn to love and trust again and even run my own business – yet here I am! I just wanted to get the message out there and help the many others who are struggling with stress, anxiety, low confidence, loss of identity and I was worried about those potential clients thinking I wasn’t for them.

But what I’ve found is that most of my clients are women in mid-life with confidence and identity issues, peri-menopause, and/ or late-diagnosed neurodivergence, so I’m embracing that more as my niche now, to amplify my message. So here’s my niche –

‘ I help women in mid-life, who’ve lost their confidence and identity, to let go of their baggage and limitations, love themselves more, and plan a wonderful next chapter ’.

Yay! What's your niche?

The Whole Game is in Your Head

Wed, 05 Oct 2022 11:14:14 GMT

The Whole Game is in Your Head

‘Your whole life is the words you say to yourself, and the pictures you make in your head’ – Marissa Peer, Britain’s No.1 Therapist

No matter what happens to us in life, how we think about events and what we make them mean is the biggest determining factor in how happy and healthy we are. If we perceive our life as an adventure, with new lessons and experiences coming to us each day to help us grow – we tend to feel positive about life. If we perceive our life as one crisis after another, a stressful and out of control fairground ride – then we tend to see life in a more negative way.

As an example, 2 people can be sitting in an aeroplane, ready for take-off. Person A sees this as the beginning of her holiday so she’s full of excitement and preparing to order a glass of prosecco to get the party started. Person B is off to a demanding meeting - she knows the presentation she gives there will make or break her career, and she’s just not had the time to prepare. She feels really stressed and afraid. The two women are sitting next to each other, at the same point in time, in exactly the same situation, but feel very differently because of their thoughts.

I have recently started to offer business consultancy to my clients. It may seem a departure from life coaching but it’s not. Our career or business is just another activity we carry out during our waking hours. What makes it either a joy or a nightmare is how we think and feel about that it.

Everything is connected, there is no work/ life balance, it’s all just LIFE! How often have you been physically at your desk, but replaying in your head the row you had with your partner last night? How often have you been trying to sleep, but worrying about your performance review the next day?

My clients come to me with a problem – my job is to help them find a solution to that problem, so they can move forward with their lives. It doesn’t matter what area of life these problems occur in, the process for sorting them is always the same. Yes, with my business clients I’ll be bringing some of my own HR and entrepreneurial expertise to bear, but often, the real reason a client’s business is struggling has nothing to do with the actions they are taking per se. Something that might seem like a material problem, such as poor sales, might actually be caused by the seller’s lack of belief in the product or themselves. A business owner who works long hours but still makes no money is probably not charging enough, the deeper problem behind this could be that they don’t feel confident enough to charge what they know they’re worth.

The whole game, whether at work, in relationships, in the gym – is in your head. I help my clients look closely at how their current thinking and behaviours are holding them back, and help them change the things they say to themselves and the pictures they make in their head, so they can overcome their limitations, solve their problems and enjoy the fulfilment, success and happiness they deserve in every area of their life.

And remember it’s all connected - my clients always find that through solving a problem in one area of their life, they see positive ripples through other areas of their life too.

Click a link to book a free review of your life or business, so you can get started on solving your problems and moving forward.

Mindfulness - Why Bother?

websitebuilder-hub@names.co.uk — Tue, 23 Aug 2022 12:19:15 GMT

Mindfulness - Why Bother?

Mindfulness is trendy, it’s about self-care they say, it’s good for your mental health, they say – but why?

Mindfulness is essentially learning how to exist more often in the present moment, to accept what is there. You can do this via meditation, walking in nature, watching a cat sleeping, just standing still and taking it all in – and myriad other ways – but, again, why?

It’s absolutely true that mindfulness is effective self-care, and it will indeed improve your mental health, and the reason it helps is because we are stepping into reality. Yep – that’s it, when we are in the present moment, we are experiencing life as it really, actually is in that moment.

We have 2 brains, our conscious (thinking) mind, which we use most of the time and can process about 7 items of data per second. We also have our unconscious (being) mind, our animal mind. This can process 11 million (yes) items of data per second. It is by far the most powerful part of our brain, and runs over 95% of our lives, keeping us breathing, keeping us safe, letting us feel a million things and fully experience the world around us.

We are all crazy people, because instead of utilising our powerful unconscious minds, we spend most of our time in our conscious mind. Don’t get me wrong, our conscious mind helped us become more sophisticated than any other species, and it’s great at solving problems and thinking, but that’s pretty much all it does. Feeling, imagining, experiencing, growing, all happens in the unconscious mind. We are addicted to the problem-solving conscious mind, so we walk around in a daze over 99% of the time, playing movies in our head about the past, or floating through fantasies about the future. We are very rarely present in reality. In the animal kingdom, we’d be disowned or killed by the pack, because we didn’t have our head in the game and others may be attacked whilst we daydream. We condemn drug-addicts and shun their weird behaviours, but we are ALL addicts, all behaving weirdly, according to the narrative in our head, instead of according to the actual situation on the ground.

So put simply, mindfulness is a return to sanity. For the few moments you are present, you are sane. This gives your unconscious mind precious time when the constant, questioning, curious toddler voice of the conscious mind is silent and the natural animal that we are can be quiet, re-balance, re-connect with what is.

I would highly recommend you try a regular dose of sanity, to step out of your wild mind for a few calm moments each day – it will change your whole perspective.

Rest & Relaxation - How to ACTUALLY do it

Tue, 26 Jul 2022 16:27:28 GMT

Rest & Relaxation - how to ACTUALLY do it!

It’s the summer! The schools have closed and it’s time to hit the beach!

Hm – so far, the act of actually going on holiday seems pretty stressful, with all the problems at the airports and ferry terminals.

But it’s summer! Time for everyone to kick back and chill.

Everyone? What about mums who now have numerous small children to entertain for a full 6 weeks, whilst holding down a job – are we ‘everyone? ’

But it’s summer! Keep it simple, have a staycation, take the kids to Alton Towers or Center Parcs, or buy a hot tub for your garden.

Er what? Do you know how much that stuff costs?

Even in the most organised and well-off households, the summer school hols are not normally a time for R&R. Thing is though, we really do need it, we have to have some down time, some time to just stop and recharge.

The plain biological facts are that if you don’t rest when you need it, your body will force the issue and you’ll end up on your back with the lurgi, or a mental health crisis.

It’s easier said than done though isn’t it? Candlelit bath? Not so easy with the kids coming in and out for wees and their toys falling into the water and getting trapped under your bum. Lazing in the sunny back garden? This is the time when the kids see you sitting still and suddenly decide it’s time to play, or for your teens to unburden themselves to you about their complicated and stressful friendship problems. Yoga and meditation? with next door’s mower going, and the bloke on the other side using that circular saw?

So how do we actually do it then? In light of all the time and money issues, how do we actually experience restful, relaxed feelings on a regular basis that help keep us in balance with the stresses of our everyday life?

Have you heard these phrases ‘I’m having a cheeky glass of wine’, ‘I’m binge-watching Netflix’, ‘I found these shoes on a naughty shopping spree’, ‘I had a lazy morning in bed’? Do you notice how these nice things to do are described in negative terms, as if you are somehow morally-bankrupt for selfishly indulging in them? How often have you been in the middle of one of these activities you’re supposed to be enjoying and felt strangely guilty? There’s a nasty, puritanical element to capitalism that just wants us to be working all the time, we’re not allowed to down tools and enjoy ourselves.

Why does the phrase ‘guilty pleasures’ even exist? Can’t we just have pleasures?

There are many of us who are taking the messages about self-care seriously, but feeling guilty when we do self-care and guilty when we don’t, because we know that if we were really winning at life we’d have the balance right all the time. What a ridiculous situation.

There is an answer to this though – permission. The difference between drinking a glass of wine and feeling guilty, and drinking a glass of wine and finding it a thoroughly joyous experience is simply the thoughts in our head, how we’re judging the activity. What if you had permission to fully enjoy that glass of wine in the evening? Or even 3 glasses? What if you had permission to luxuriate in bed for an extra hour one morning? What if you had permission to buy yourself something nice, just because you’re lovely, and you deserve nice things? Changing how we feel about the few nice things we get to do every day, really enjoying them, will allow us that rest and relaxation, bringing us the balance we need.

OK – so how do I get this permission then? Who will give it to me? YOU! You’re a grown-up, you write permission slips for your kids' school every day. At work and raising kids, you are always giving and withholding permission, and you expect it to be abided by. You are an awesome permission-giver, so start giving it to yourself. Giving yourself permission means you don’t have to balance candles amid all the lego round the bath, it just means you can earmark everyday nice activities as a gift to yourself and feel good about it. If your own word to yourself isn’t good enough, write yourself a slip, in fact write down for each week permission for something nice each day – make a star chart and stick it on the fridge! The kids have one, and they are rewarded and made a fuss of – why not you?

I just came back from a week’s holiday in Spain, it was deeply relaxing and huge fun, I’m rested and ready for anything. I could have spent the holiday worrying that I couldn’t really afford it, I could have spent the time feeling guilty about my business and doing some work, and then feel guilty when the kids spotted me and felt like I preferred it to hanging out with them. But, I didn’t feel any of those bad things! At the bottom of my suitcase was the permission slip I’d put in there whilst packing, it reads: ‘I love you, I see you are exhausted. I give you permission to drink cava and spend as much time as you like on a sun lounger, listening to crime fiction on Audible – love Beth x’

Confidence - it's an Inside Job

Thu, 30 Jun 2022 11:00:20 GMT

Confidence - it's an inside job

We are forever being sold stuff with the promise that the product will ‘make you feel confident’. I love a new pair of shoes, I feel fab in them! But by the time I’ve worn them in, they’re just another pair of shoes. Many of us might stroll out in our finery and receive compliments about how we look, yet half of us don’t know how to accept those compliments, because although we may have ‘dressed confident’, we’re not confident inside.

And what about the world around us? Many of us feel it’s gone totally mad in recent years, things seem to be changing at an alarming rate, and things we never thought would happen, are now happening with little comment. How on earth are we supposed to feel confident, when so much is being hurled at us on a constant basis and we don’t feel in control of our lives anymore?

The truth is, we have no control over our lives, and whatever we wear, drive, or have done at the hairdresser is just an external imitation of confidence, not the real thing.

Confidence is an inside job, it’s about what’s going on in your mind. It comes from how you see the world, the beliefs you have, the identity you’ve adopted, and the words you say to yourself.

Confidence is about loving our imperfection, rather than striving for perfection .

It comes from being our own cheerleader through good times and bad. Having confidence allows us to fall flat on our faces and pick ourselves back up again, rather than living only half a life, because we dread that happening. Confidence is being able to say, ‘I’m going to do this, if it all goes horribly wrong, I’ll be a mess for a bit and then be OK again’.

So how do we achieve confidence? Well, it’s about being kinder to yourself. Yes, I know that sounds a bit weird, but that is how you do it. When we start a new job, we believe we’ll feel more confident at it once we’ve learned the ropes. This is actually competence – a knowledge of how to correctly complete the tasks required. Confidence, is about how well we believe we’ve done that. If we have a kind boss, they will give us good feedback and praise – that is what we need to start doing for ourselves.

How does being nicer to ourselves create confidence? Well, the part of your brain that that governs how you feel about stuff has no idea whether the messages you receive from the outside world are objectively true or not, it just accepts all information as fact. Imagine you had a friend who was constantly telling you you were a bit fat, or a partner who kept calling you ‘silly’ – would you feel confident around them? These negative messages can come from outside, like magazines and social media, and they need to be controlled. I felt so much better when I stopped reading Cosmopolitan 10 years ago, and I filter out as many beauty and clothing ads from my screen as I can. Much more importantly though, it’s about the messages you receive from yourself. If you are self-critical, and most of us are, it’s like having that horrid best friend and undermining partner living with you 24/7. Even worse, they can say what they like, because no-one else can hear.

It’s certainly true that some of the most awful and toxic things that have ever been said to us have come from our own minds, and if we hear them often enough, we start to believe them .

So, if you want to start building real confidence inside, start to notice the negative messages that are coming in, and where you can, make them kinder. For example:

Instead of looking in the mirror and criticising every part of ourselves, we can look instead for the positives and talk about them to ourselves. If we are struggling in our businesses or at work, instead of saying ‘I’m no good at this’, we can say, ‘I’m learning more every day, I’ve made a success of things before, and I’ll make a success of this too’.

There are loads of things like this that we can do to reprogramme our minds to feel confident – they all boil down to self-compassion and kindness to ourselves. If we feel inside that we have our own back, that we will love ourselves whether we succeed or fail – we will be unstoppable!

For more tips on how to feel confident and manage your mind, check out my YouTube channel x

The REAL Ingredients of Change

Fri, 20 May 2022 10:34:03 GMT

The REAL ingredients of change

Put simply, making a successful change is:

a) Working out what’s wrong

b) Finding a solution

c) Carrying out that solution from then on

Easy-peasy right? No. Our unconscious mind does not like to do things differently, change equals a possible threat – it likes us just to pootle along as we always have done, even if it’s making us miserable, because staying in your lane is safe.

My programme changes lives – sounds like a brag, I know. But it’s what my clients tell me, and it’s not ME who changes their lives, my clients are doing it for themselves, in the very best way for them, as unique and wonderful human beings. I do help a bit though, because change isn’t just ABC. Actually, it’s a) (i), a) (ii) etc, because there are certain ingredients needed to do A, B and C successfully – and these are what I teach.

My clients are mostly women and for most of us, making change is hard. In order to work out what’s wrong in our lives, we have to spend time with ourselves, pondering this – ‘ how do I make time for that? I barely have time to use the loo! ’

In order to find a solution, we have to scroll through our options until we find the best one – ‘ what options? My life is as it is, I have to get the kids to school, I have to be there for my partner, I have to pay the bills – these things are not optional ’.

Then, we have to choose a solution – ‘ choose? How do I choose? I always make choices with my partner, what if my choices impact those I love? ’

Once the solution is chosen, my clients then have to ‘live’ that change and that often involves a change to routine in their work or homelife, they need to advocate for themselves and have healthy boundaries – ‘ healthy what now? No, you don’t understand, if I asked my partner to do more at home he’d sulk, he’d do it all wrong and then I’d end up having to do it all anyway, it’s easier to just do it myself ’.

And on top of all this, these amazing, busy, unhappy women have to first make the decision to come and see me – ‘ ooh! That’s the hardest one, maybe I’m exaggerating things, things will probably improve in time, I just can’t spend that much on me, it's selfish ’.

Let me just be clear, my women clients are strong , they are awesome, they are resilient – they must be to have put up with what they’re putting up with for so long. They are savvy and often successful in many areas of their lives, but they are up against hundreds of years of patriarchy, being socialised to put others first, to be nice, to be quiet. This patriarchy may not even exist in their external lives, they may have great people around them, but those outdated values are inside many of us women, and this is what prevents us from being able to be objective, confident, and self-compassionate. We recognise pain and suffering in others waaaay before we recognise it in ourselves.

So the reason my programme changes lives , is because my clients learn how to see their options, make decisions, and stand up for themselves with confidence – which not only helps them with the current change they’re making, but with future changes in every area of their life.

If you are currently going through turbulent change, or you desperately want to make a change in your life, but keep ending up back where you started, book in for a free chat here .

Taking out the trash

Wed, 09 Jun 2021 10:46:52 GMT

Taking out the trash - an NLP deep clean

A client of mine has kindly agreed to have her experiences used as a case study of the difference that NLP can make. I have changed her name and details for privacy reasons, so we'll call her 'Melissa'.

Melissa came to me last year because she felt she had a "mountain" to conquer. She had already had some counselling and CBT which had helped her to manage some areas of her mental health, but she felt that she needed to dig deeper to get to the root of some things she couldn't quite overcome.

We started by defining the issues clearly and coming up with SMART goals so we could see exactly what Melissa was aiming for through the coaching program. Melissa was particularly struggling with a deep-seated fear of abandonment that she felt was having an effect on many aspects of her life. She had also created the habit of thinking of herself as two or three different people - each "person" representing a different aspect of her personality - and we worked on bringing her back together as one whole person, with no aspect of her being seen as "bad" or "better".

One important aspect of my work with Melissa was to help her to identify her values - the things that were of real importance in her life, with no judgement attached. Through our sessions she came up with 10 values, which we could then use as the basis of understanding the challenges Melissa faced. As we worked through her values we talked about things that she could "let go" of and things that she could "embrace", and I encouraged her to write statements such as "I am letting go of...." and "I am embracing...."

Something that was important for Melissa was to learn how to be a good friend to herself, so that she could provide herself with safety, love and friendship whenever she felt scared of being abandoned. To help her to move towards being her own best friend we used a Thought Ladder technique. Melissa picked 3 negative beliefs she had about being a good friend to herself, and we created a ladder of belief-change for each belief.

The way that this works is that we started with the negative belief at the bottom of the "ladder" and the desired new belief at the top. We created 5-7 steps in total and inserted interim beliefs that led from the bottom to the top. The first couple of beliefs can be neutral, or simply less negative than the current negative belief.

Melissa then worked up the ladder, looking at the belief attached to each "rung" and working on it and examining it until she felt that it was something she believed to be true. She would then move up to the next "rung" and work on that belief, and so on until she reached the desired belief at the top of the ladder. That belief being that she is her own best friend and can keep herself safe no matter what else happens in her life.

Another technique I used to help Melissa is the STEAR model which stands for Situation, Thought, Emotion, Action and Result. It is important that we understand what is behind our actions and recognise how our thoughts are affecting what happens in our lives. By encouraging Melissa to see her actions in terms of how she was thinking and feeling about different circumstances I was able to help her to recognise how the results of her actions were really the results of thoughts she was having. Change the thought and you change the action and therefore the results.

The real breakthrough for Melissa though came when we did Time Line Therapy® together. Melissa was nervous about this aspect of the coaching, as she knew that it would involve mentally returning to a difficult time in her life. In addition, due to pandemic restrictions we needed to do the TLT over Zoom. However, this worked really well and I was able to guide Melissa through her personal timeline, looking at things that had happened in her childhood from the safety of the present day.

This TLT session led to fantastic learnings for Melissa, which included her being able to confidently state "I am as deserving as any other human being", "I can define how I approach life from now on" and "I can be anything I want to be, I'm in control, I can choose".

In the final sessions of the program we worked on Melissa's boundaries, helping her to decide which are her personal "lines not to be crossed" and how she can deal with anger and fear in a healthy, productive way.

I have used the title "Taking Out The Trash" for this blog because that's how Melissa felt about being able to finally release her fears from childhood. She referred to it as "crap" that had been hanging around in her life for a long long time, and she was delighted to finally be able to throw off that burden and put it firmly into the trash.

It was a joy to work with Melissa and to see the progress she made towards the life she chooses to lead.

If you would like to explore how NLP can help you to take out your personal trash, please do book in a free, 1-hour consultation with me here so that we can discuss ways to work together.

Beth x

Spring Clean Your Mindset

Thu, 01 Apr 2021 16:46:10 GMT

Spring-clean your mindset

In the last week or so my friends and I have really had a sense of a new dawn. Springtime. It has felt so positive - we have felt the sun on our faces, we've looked up to the light, we've begun to notice more birdsong, the air warmer, buds beginning to fatten.

It is time for new growth, and it feels really good.

My business is now three years old, and I am so proud of what I have achieved in that time. For all of us running our own businesses, this last year in particular has been a time of incredible challenge and incredible change. It has been the kind of change that is just imposed on us randomly, and we have had to adapt to that.

Some of us may have lost revenue, we may have lost clients, we may have struggled with supplies... Some of us may have been affected by changes to trading rules due to Brexit as well. It has been over a year of changes being imposed on our businesses, our "babies", that we have just had to deal with it.

Yet now it feels like now there is an opportunity for us to manage change more consciously. It is a time for new growth and planned change. It is time for a spring clean.

The first part of that process is a mental, spiritual and emotional spring clean for yourself, as a human being. Go back to the basics of who you are. What are you doing spending all of these hours working in your business? I know you have bills to pay and people to support, but why are you doing this work in particular?

Remind yourself of your values, and the values of your business. Think about how you have personally dealt with the changes of the last year. Has it taken a lot out of you? Or have you found a new resilience?

Both answers are valid. Finding new resilience means that you have a new tool, a new power that will allow you to grow and change. If it has all, understandably, taken a lot out of you then now is the time to pause and heal.

Last year has gone. It is done. Once you give yourself a chance to let it go, you will find that you have room to start to dream about where you would like to go next. Get back in touch with your dreams. Have they changed, have they grown? What is driving you the most? What is providing resistance? What do you want to let go of to allow some new growth?

What we need to do at this time of year is an audit. To sit down and go back through our calendars and really look at what we have coped with, what has happened, and what we have left. Get a piece of paper or a notebook and write it all down - the good and the bad. Then take a breath. Think about where you want to grow next, which branches you want to push out further, which leaves you want to unfurl this year.

It can be really useful to get some coaching on this, to sit and brainstorm with another person and then to think about which areas of your business and life you want to focus on.

This is all work we can do as individuals, but if we have a team within our business there is another part to this process of spring cleaning and new growth. That is to involve your team, right at the start of the process.

I have worked in change management for many years and I have seen time and again that successful change is bottom up rather than top down. You are the innovator as the leader of your business, but when you have a team they are the experts in their part of your business, and they will often have a much better idea of what would be involved in the implementation of your ideas than you do. So talk to your team. Just brainstorm with them, have a virtual lunch to chat things through. Allow the people who work with you to mull over your ideas, to play with them, to understand them for themselves.

If you do this early on, you will end up with a lengthier process to formulate the plan, but it will be organised and positive change that will be implemented much more smoothly and efficiently - because everyone involved in the change will be on board.

I still see businesses doing top down change and then they cannot understand why they encounter resistance and delays and pitfalls. The more you engage with your team the fewer of these challenges will occur.

We small business owners are lucky because it is just us or maybe us and a small team. Yet it is still important to check in with our team - or simply have an immersive check in with ourselves - before putting our plans into action.

I hope that you are feeling this growth vibe and are feeling excited about where you want your business to grow this year. Plan in some time with yourself, if applicable plan in some time with your team, and then go for it! With the tax year coming to an end now is the time to pause, reflect, check in with ourselves and plan.

Turn your face to the sun once more and start to move forward.

Be your own Valentine

Sat, 13 Feb 2021 14:12:41 GMT

Be your own valentine x

This is the month that retailers and marketeers try to get us thinking about romance - or at least cuddly toys and chocolates, which is what they think that romance is.

Before you focus on your relationships, romances and potential Valentine's, it is vital that you think about the most important relationship you will have in this lifetime - the relationship that you have with yourself.

Self-love is the most important fundamental thing.

During Covid lockdown, we started spending more time with our partners/spouses, and often found the relationship changed and deepened in positive ways. Others found that, actually, maybe the relationship wasn't what they thought it was and they decided to leave it.

Imagine if there was no way to leave it - if there was no divorce, no separation, no way out of the house, no way out of the bedroom. That you would be stuck in that room with that person for the rest of your life.

That's what it's like when you don't love yourself.

You are stuck in a very small intimate space 24/7 with somebody that you'd rather not be around. That is torture.

We absolutely wouldn't tolerate people we dislike being around us like that, but so many of us tolerate the enemy within. The problem is that if there is a negative voice talking to you all the time, it totally screws your perception of what is going on in your life. It is seeing through a glass darkly. It poisons everything you try to create, try to begin, try to do in your life, and everything you try to give. Everything is besmirched by this negative voice.

You need to start with being your own biggest fan. That starts with language, with not judging yourself, stopping with all the "that's bad, that's good, you should do this, you shouldn't do that," statements. It starts with developing a tone of voice, a style of voice, that is nurturing, non-judgemental, and compassionate. I get clients to think about people in their life who have been that voice for them, like a parent, teacher, or friend. Or if you have no one like that, perhaps you have children, and hopefully your parenting voice is calm and patient and nurturing. Bring those kinder voices to yourself.

Changing your tone and content is a really good start. You can also develop some positive mantras for the voice to say instead. You might not be able to say "I love you" to yourself and mean it yet, but belief change is a ladder. What is it that you actually feel about yourself right now? Do you actually hate yourself? Are you contemptuous of yourself, do you despise yourself, resent yourself? Are you ashamed of yourself? Whatever that feeling is, just start by saying something just a bit less negative instead. For instance "there are parts of myself that I can accept." "There are parts of myself that are okay." "I have done some good things in the past." Then gradually start working your way up, with daily mantras, until saying "I love you" to yourself is possible.

This all takes time. It might take 3 months, 6 months, and it is hard work. It is worth it because not only will it change everything that is going on outside of you because your perceptions will be different, but most importantly it will change the indoor environment you have to live in 24/7. That mental torture will cease. It will be absolutely transformative.

Self-love is also the most amazing body armour. If you put on a few pounds, mess up at work, or make a mistake in a relationship, you just don't really care what other people think anymore. Yes, you can give yourself honest feedback and learn from your mistakes, but you no longer have to believe the negative feedback from others, or beat yourself up for it every day for the rest of your life. If you got a sum wrong in school, a decent teacher would point out the mistake and show you how to get it right from now on - but they wouldn't call you an idiot, and tell you you're hopeless at maths...that's the difference self-love makes.

I have clients who have based their lives around the fear of what somebody else might think or say if they make the wrong decision. That is a hostage situation. When you love yourself, you are basically saying, "my love for you is unconditional. When you let yourself down I'll gently let you know, because I'll always be truthful with you, and want to help you learn and grow - but nothing will ever change how I feel about you". Try reading that quote out loud to yourself, how did that make you feel inside?

Being able to look at myself in the mirror and say "wow. That was a fuck up. Okay. Do you know what? I am still your biggest fan. Learn from it, move on. End of." has been so helpful on my own healing journey. Being able to live with myself allows me to feel peace and positivity, even if I am unhappy with certain things that are happening outside of myself.

Self-love sets the energy, sets the tone, and makes it easier for other people to catch on to that energy and follow that tone. It also allows you to get real about stuff, it allows you to notice when things are not acceptable, when you are not being optimal, because you can do it without judgement. You are not going to give yourself a hard time about it. So you can engage in growth, you can engage in change, you can engage in development, you can set goals for yourself and strive for them, knowing that if you somehow don't manage to achieve that goal it's okay because you will still love you and you will just get up and try again.

All of that self-improvement becomes possible when you are your own nurturing, compassionate cheerleader.

Happy Valentine's.

Beth x

A coach who doesn't actually want a 'six-figure' business??

Mon, 07 Sep 2020 12:11:59 GMT

A coach who doesn't want a 'six-figure' business??

I'm all for wealth, I'm all for people running successful businesses and becoming incredibly rich as a result. It's not a motivator for me though, because a six-figure income is not my definition of success. My business is a success because it helps people let go of what makes them miserable and afraid, and instead embrace what takes them forward and brings them happiness and peace. Don't get me wrong, I'm a single mum with 3 kids and I've got bills to pay. I also want to make enough so that I can start offering people on benefits reduced cost, or even free coaching. At that point, I'll be able to stride down the street, thumbs in my lapels and think 'I've made it!'

But hey, each to their own, so what's my problem with the whole 'six-figures' thing? Well, my problem is that somehow, the field of coaching has become associated with the term 'six-figures'. I am bombarded daily on LinkedIn by people who want to connect and help be build a 'six-figure coaching business'. Are they contacting reiki and hypnotherapy practitioners to offer the same? No - and the reason is that coaching is seen as a business model by the wider world, more than it's seen as a well-being practice.

Abuse in childhood left me with terrible damage and a life of depression and severe anxiety. It was coaching, specifically coaching with Neuro-Linguistic Programming, that eventually cured me of both those serious illnesses, after two decades of trying more traditional therapies. I then discovered that NLP could help me manage my mind better and achieve all sorts of things I thought were beyond me. As someone who's worked all my life, both formally and informally as a teacher, trainer, mentor and coach - training as an NLP coach and helping others recover too was the best decision I've ever made.

It's a struggle though, most people aren't really au fait with coaching and they already think it's full of fly-by-nights, who trained for 2 days via a Groupon voucher. It makes it even harder to be in coaching when it has this tag of being a money-making scheme. There seems to be a confusion between 'coaching', - and 'business coaches', where you learn how to turn your own business (coaching or otherwise) into a six-figure one. Many business coaches are actually mentors, teaching you a system for building a successful business that worked for them and so can work for you. That's a great service, it's just not coaching in the well-being sense. Coaching is an amazing, transformative tool that can help anyone get from where they are now, to where they want to be. It asks powerful questions to help the client uncover and utilise their inner resources, and create their own solutions to achieve what they want in life.

I know many coaches who are passionate about helping others; some of them are making six figures and that's great. I really hope we manage to detach from the 'six-figures' label soon though, so more people will realise that coaching is a field of well-being like any other and be able to benefit from the life-changing positive effects it can bring about for them.

All Change!

Thu, 20 Aug 2020 12:06:42 GMT

All Change!

Change happens, it happens all the time, in fact, it's happening to you right now. As you read this, some of your cells are dying and others are being created. Outside your window, clouds have tracked further across the sky, a leaf has fallen from a tree. In your neighbourhood, someone has become angry, where before they'd been at peace and a dog has completed its daily walk. In the world, decisions are being made, deals are being struck, new things are being learned and the seconds pass, each one heralding change, moment by moment by moment. In the time it's taken you to read this, you've had new thoughts, food has been digested inside you and some epithelial cells from your skin's surface will have drifted to the floor.

As I write this, in the year 2020, humanity has become aware, perhaps for the first time, that it has absolutely no control over events. We have been walking around making plans, 'in 2 months time, I'll be on the beach in Greece', 'in 6 months, I'll get that promotion', 'tomorrow, this will all be over'. Nope. 2020 has taught us that our stable, predictable lives are but a mirage, that events can storm in and upend the table whenever they like, smashing and spilling and leaving a mess we have get on our knees to clear up.

One of the first questions I ask my clients when they come to see me with an issue they wish to resolve is, 'how is it a problem?' I ask the same question here. Change is constant, in fact it's the one thing that you can guarantee won't change - there will always, always be change. Change is what has allowed us to evolve as a species, as change has happened, so we have adapted to that change and developed ourselves as a result. Change is necessary for growth and in that way, it's a positive thing. But more fundamental than that, change happens (like sh*t) whether we like it or not, all the time, again and again. So to answer my question, change is a problem for many of us at the moment, because we don't realise it's the norm. We think it's a random event that interrupts our plans and routines but it's not - change IS life. Our nicely-ordered lives are just a mental construct that allows us to have a palatable context and framework in which to exist, so we can pretend that we don't live lives of apparently random chaos.

The game-changer for each of us and for the whole of humanity, is when we realise that constant change is reality and routine and best-laid plans are just myth. Self-help books tell us to 'accept what is', possibly the most logical and helpful thing any human has ever said. When you realise that change is the norm, you see that rejecting it is madness. The famous story of Canute was the perfect metaphor of how utterly pointless it is to resist change and yet, here we all are, resisting the hell out of it. Resistance is exhausting, it's bad for us, physically, mentally and emotionally. We only have to step outside to see that the most successful model in this world for dealing positively with constant change is nature. It goes with the flow, it's a beautiful study in the acceptance of what is.

The double whammy of change is that as change is constantly happening, we constantly need to be changing, in order to adapt to our new surroundings. When we resist the change happening around us, it's because we are refusing to change ourselves accordingly. History shows us how far we've come through all the change that has happened, but it is also spattered with the horrifying consequences of resisting change, instead of rising to meet it positively.

So, given that change is happening all the time and that we need to change also in order to adapt and grow - isn't it weird that so many of us find it problematic? Change is scary - no two ways about that. Our powerful limbic system (or 'unconscious mind', as we call it in NLP) is primed to keep us alive long enough to procreate and it's favourite way to do that is to keep everything the same all the time. If the way you are doing something hasn't killed you, then it's all good as far as your unconscious mind is concerned. Our newer, conscious, or thinking minds can see the benefits of change, of how innovation and doing things in a new way can help us move forward as a species but as anyone who has tried to make a change will know, the unconscious mind will kick up a hell of a lot of resistance if it is not aligned with what the conscious mind wants. If you've tried to give up smoking and then found yourself lighting up, it's because your unconscious mind thinks it's best you keep doing what you're doing (it knows nothing of cancer!). If you keep chickening out of asking for the pay-rise you deserve, it's because your unconscious mind thinks it's a bad idea to risk what you currently have. The feelings of fear we experience when going through, or trying to create change are the unconscious mind putting up resistance. With this inner battle going on inside us - it can be bloody hard work to make conscious, successful change.

And that is what I do, I help people make change and build a mindset that is welcoming of change and possessing of some powerful tools to help that change happen in a positive way. Basically, change happens, it's the stuff of life, it's all change and we adapt or die. Change is the fundamental reality of our lives and how well each of us manages that change dictates how happy and successful our lives will be.

So what is your attitude to change? When I tell you that everything is changing all the time and the only control you have over your life is your own choice about how you adapt to that change - how does that make you feel? I've always loved change, because I was unhappy as a child and a chance to do things differently, that might make me happier, was always appealing. In my teaching, HR management and politics careers, I've seen the opportunities change can bring and I've counselled and trained others to relax and embrace it. If you feel threatened by change and find it difficult to make the changes you want in life, then there's lots you can do to remedy this. If your business feels stuck in a rut, consider how being risk-averse might be stopping you from taking advantage of new opportunities and how greater agility and flexibility of thinking amongst your employees might put your business where it needs to be.

If you'd like a chat about how I can help you or your business with change-management in any context, check out my website: www.movingforwardconsultancy.com